The ‘low down’ on asking for and receiving help - WITHOUT feeling ‘weird’ about it
Do you have trouble asking for help even though it could make a world of difference in a struggle you’re going through?
Read on to get some quick but easy steps to ease your mind and start asking the right way today.
In Australia there are to be many hurdles blocking people in general from asking for help. There can be a bunch of personal reasons, but as a society there seems to be some unwritten rules that people don’t want to appear weak, or needy, and that to be successful you must be able to do it all on your own.
This is a very unhelpful ‘western’ notion that simply does not exist in many cultures around the world today.
When you are in a big change in your life, like becoming a mum or expanding your family, community is so important! And one of the key ways community is created through people helping and supporting each other.
We can't reiterate this enough: It's so important to seek out your community, your ‘village’ and then make a determined effort to be a part of it, and a large part of this is to ask for help.
But how do I ask for help without feeling like a burden? Simple, trust that they sincerely mean it when they offer help. How many times has a friend said to just ask if you need help?! You need to take them up on the offer my friend! If they truly can't help because they too have too much on their plate, if they are a good friend, you will be able to talk about it, (and maybe even brainstorm other ways you can both get needed support). But many friends want to help and might not do so without an invitation because they simply don’t want to impose. So go ahead, let the relationship deepen, and find the courage to ask.
And when you do ask for help, in order for it to be actually helpful, follow these three simple steps:
Be Direct (don’t beat around the bush merely hint you want something)
Be Specific (what is the actual thing you need help with, what is an example of the help you desire?)
Be Finite (is this a once-off request or a once-a-week request?)
So when you are chatting about where you are struggling, for example feeling sleep deprived, actually ask them if they would be able to help you with getting some more sleep, (this being direct, it’s a question you can get either a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer for)
Then if the answer is ‘yes’ describe what the ideal support would look like for you. Such as asking them to come over for 2 hours to hold/look after your baby while you grab a nap.
Then put it into practice! Ask them to come over for the next 2-3 Tuesdays at say 10am-12noon, as that will actually give you the help you need!*
If this still seems daunting, ask your MPS professional to step in help set up polite but orgnaised systems ( for example meal trains) so these helpful friends of yours can help in ways that make a meaningful difference. Alternatively, we can be the one to fill in the gaps in your community if they can’t at this time.
Our mission is to set you up for thriving not struggling.
*(This great advice is adapted from the Newborn Mothers Collective, a fantastic course for anyone interested in helping and supporting newborn mothers)