“This isn’t what I expected…”
The Anti-Climactic Experience of Bringing the First Baby Home. Confessions of a Parenting Professional.
New motherhood can be filled with moments of immense joy, joy so bursting it brings tears to your eyes. Finally, after nine or so months of waiting, your little one is here! You are busy counting their little toes and gazing with wonder into their face as they yawn. It can be a surreal feeling walking back out those hospital doors and heading back home (or packing away the homebirth pool and sitting in a quiet and still house for the first time together as a family).
Newborns can often sleep ok for the first night or two, after all the birth experience was exhausting for them as well, and they are still plump and squishy from all the goodness that your body shared with them. Now however, on day three of four, (or is it five?) you are realising that you are not quite as prepared as you thought you were. It’s so conflicting and confusing, all this advice from various sources. Do you “feed on demand” or wait a couple hours so that the baby doesn’t “snack”? Should you hold them while they sleep (so that they actually sleep), or put them in their bed so that they can “learn”? There are just so many questions, doubts, and possible answers, but what is right?!
Know you are not alone. Many new parents feel alone and like they are failing. But knowing that other people also struggle and get through somehow is only one piece of this new parenting puzzle. Of this “how do I get through each day” puzzle.
I don’t say this to scare you, I say this because I truly have a heart for helping parents in this stage of life and glossing over the hard stuff can amplify the feelings of “aloneness” and overwhelm. I write this because I was this mum with my first, almost 6 years ago now. Also because I have known so many of these mums (and dads) and although I know the description above is common, it doesn’t have to be all so consuming.
I spent countless hours googling in the wee hours of night, reading the books I had been gifted, trying hard to follow the advice of the council maternal child health nurse. I made appointments to visit the local, public run, breastfeeding support clinic. Everyone could see that I was trying. I didn’t let many people see how I felt I was failing.
You see, my husband and I had been married for over 4 years by the time my first was born, and we were so ‘ready’ for our baby. I was working for a non-profit organisation where I was supporting parents (who I now realise had taken the tremendous strength to reach out for help), and before this had been a nanny for many years. I felt the internal pressure to know and have it all together. But I didn’t. I didn’t even feel close.
Yes, I did ‘make it through’ in the end, and I can honestly say that parenting and experiencing life with my two children is one of my favourite things in life. BUT it was rough at first. And it didn’t have to be that way.
So for those of you interested in what hindsight can offer, alongside years of training, intentional learning and supporting other parents since, I have created this blog (alongside Melbourne Postpartum Services Co-founder Melissa who, I’m sure, will also share her journey with you too). We aim to give you the best of the best. We are dedicated to evidence-based information while also putting it into practical perspective and real-life scenarios. Sometimes this might mean we will talk about ‘the tough stuff” but know that it is always done with a heart towards helping you increase the joy and ‘the good stuff”. We want truly helpful and relatable advice to be easily assessable to all, not just the lucky few who get us one-on-one in their homes. We are also on a quest to promote planning for your postpartum and normalising reaching out for help as a cornerstone of that plan.
So check back soon to hear how the rest of the story goes, from how I went from overwhelmed, exhausted and feeling like a failure, to a “mum-boss”, loving life, her husband, and importantly, her kids. And how you can too.
