To The New Mum Who Feels Like She is Failing, I Get It, That Was Me Too..

‘The shock of the new’ was a term I had not heard before becoming a parent – but looking back, it was 100% what I experienced, and I had been completely unprepared for it.  

I was unaware that when a mother births a little person for the first time it is normal to undergo a huge identify transformation. To not know exactly who I was anymore, but to know within my bones that somehow, I was now someone new. It was not only my baby who was born – but I, as a mother, was born too. Even if I wasn’t sure how to feel it all exactly yet.

I was too hard on myself, not understanding or giving myself grace for the toll that this was taking on me. But it wasn’t only that – I thought I could ‘push past’ the trauma (both physical and emotional) that the birth had had on me. I thought I could handle anything that motherhood threw at me because I had longed for this baby, and I had been around and cared for babies for years (as if that was the same, ha!)

But this motherhood gig took my ego and firmly delt with it

(mostly by pitching it up into the air and then throwing it down hard, into the ground).

I was forced to confront my limitations, and judging myself harshly, I thought that they were my failings, secret dark and ugly parts of myself that I surely couldn’t let anyone else see. I thought so many untrue things, but at the time I didn’t know what I could do about it all and actually attain the motherhood I had pictured in my mind while my belly grew.

I can now tell you that parenthood has been one hell of a journey – one I wouldn’t swap for the world. I now know that I was being a hard judge and that such a stormy transition is (unfortunately) normal because of many factors. But I can also tell you it doesn’t have to be.

I have worked hard to lean into, reflect and learn how to truly enjoy this parenting journey I have been blessed with. I have collected stories, truly studied, and gone deep into finding out the how’s and why’s in this life transition period so that other parents don’t have to experience the rocky start I did, or if they are already there, how to gently come back out of it and learn to walk their unique parenting path confidently too.

If you can relate to my story and want to know more about how to come out the other side and feel like you are truly enjoying this new period of life, don’t hesitate to reach out. Sometimes that first step can be the hardest but know that after you take it, at least you won’t have to do the following steps alone.